I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
