Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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