Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
