Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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