Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
