dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
