yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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