He is an equal opportunity slut.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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