Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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