So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i think i just lost a toe
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
