I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
