i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
