HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
