Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
