can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
