Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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