john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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