So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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