I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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