can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
