Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
