you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
