remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
