I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
