I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
