There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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