I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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