Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You ate ashes out of my bong
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
