what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
