Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
