So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
