that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
where does the pee come out of this thing
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
