you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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