hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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