Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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