im about as happy as oj after his trial
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
