So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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