I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
