I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Panties = found
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
