I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
