I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
