You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
