ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
