Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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