I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
