also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
