remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
