A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
