I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
