I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
