mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
