i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
