i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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