He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
