Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
